The Pay Day Loan.

candyfrombaby

I wonder if young Shakespeare ever took a payday loan

When he wrote of Shylock, that usurer well-known.

A pound of flesh is just about what you must sure forgo

If you deal with leeches at the local Check-N-Go.

You sign away your livelihood, your auto, and mink stole.

The Devil’s terms are easier; he only wants your soul!

Or you could always rob a bank, because first-time offenders

Are locked away with bed and board, and do not deal with lenders.

Check City battens on the poor and gullible amigo

Who doesn’t realize the rules are worse than in Stratego.

One minute late, one penny short, and suddenly they find

They are in an iron-clad and suffocating bind.

There is no Good Samaritan to help them find relief;

Only legislators who do not give a fig leaf.

Shout this from the mountaintops, but only if you dare

Face the Lender’s Lobby, who have a million bucks to spare.

King Salman, My Pal . . .

My old buddy . . .
My old buddy . . .

(Inspired by a story by Ben Hubbard)

Hey, Salman, buddy, don’t forget your old pal from the days

We used to go on picnics in the khareef’s misty haze.

Just you and me and retinue of a thousand men or so

(and of course the harem that was with you on the go).

 

I see you got the old man’s seat; congratulations, pal!

You’re passing out the beaucoup bucks to boost the state’s morale.

I do not wish to seem like I presume too much from you,

But times are tough; I’m in the rough; some cash would see me through.

 

About a million dollars sure would be enough for me;

I guess I can rely upon your generosity.

Send the check down to the county jail and I won’t squawk.

I’ll pay my bail and get my shirt and pants right out of hock!

The Student Loan.

simonlegree

(Inspired by a segment on the Jordana Green Show)

I wish I’d had a college savings plan when I was young;

I would not now be dodging bill collectors, getting stung.

For I defaulted early on when after graduation

My student loans turned into one gigantic aggravation.

 

It’s not that I determined to go belly up for spite

Or that I was resolved to embezzle and take flight;

But what was I to do when my degree in English Lit

Left me for a steady income totally unfit?

 

I asked for an extension to find use for my degree,

But got the kind of treatment that would please Simon Legree.

Considering the penalty and int’rest that still accrue

I’ll have this thing paid off when sky and sea have lost their blue. 

A Financial Guide to Investing in Dairy.

cow

Forget about your stocks and bonds and others of that ilk;

What you want to buy up now is plenty of cow’s milk.

I’ve been reading in the papers that the price of dairy

On the Chinese mainland is now making Wall Street merry.

 

Of course the folks who milk the cows will see such little gravy

That their sons and daughters will leave home to join the navy.

But the brokers and investors, who have such milk-white hands

From never doing labor will build houses in posh Cannes.

 

What with tariffs and the glut of whey upon the market,

I advise you raise great sums and in milk futures park it.

You will never find a better way to fend off rank inflation

Than piling up a million cans of impregnable Carnation!

 

Christie, Bush & Romney.

cbr

Christie, Bush, and Romney were walking down the street.

When suddenly a fundraiser they happened just to meet.

The fundraiser said ‘Howdy’ to these true-blue fast friends,

And taking out his checkbook he asked “Have you got pens?”

 

“For I will donate plenty of PAC funds to the one”

“Who shows the least desire for President to run.”

All three denied such yearnings, crying out “Pooh – Pooh!”

“We never such a foolish thing would ever, ever do!”

 

The fundraiser bowed deeply, and then went on his way.

The three good friends kept strolling on their cheerful holiday.

When Christie wasn’t looking, Mitt Romney made a fuss

And tripped his chubby pal into the pathway of a bus.

 

Now Bush and Romney mourned him with tears to fill the Nile,

And then continued with their hike (in cautious single file).

In front led Bush the Mighty, the Southern Hope of all –

And no one to this day knows how that large brick came to fall . . .

 

And so it came to pass that old Mitt Romney got the nod

And when he totted up the cash he found twas quite a wad.

Remember, all you voters, that no friendship can prevent

The loss of life and limb when you do run for President.

 

Beware of Scams This Upcoming Tax Season!

scam

The IRS recently issued a warning about a phone scam that is targeting people across the nation. Callers, claiming to be from the IRS, tell intended victims they owe taxes and must pay using a pre-paid debit card or wire transfer. The scammers threaten those who refuse to pay with arrest or the loss of a business or driver’s license.

The callers who commit this fraud often:

  • Use fake IRS badge numbers.
  • Know the last four digits of the victim’s Social Security number and other personal information.
  • Make caller ID appear as if the IRS is calling.
  • Send fake IRS emails as follow-ups.
  • Call a second time claiming to be the police or the Department of Motor Vehicles.

If you get a call from someone claiming to be with the IRS asking for a payment, you should immediately report the incident to the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration at 800-366-4484. You may also file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commissionhere.

In addition, the IRS has identified eleven other scams on its annual list of the “Dirty Dozen” tax scams; the full list can be found here.

Always be alert for phone and email scams that use the IRS name. The IRS will never request personal or financial information by email, texting or social media. You should forward suspected scam emails to phishing@irs.gov.

Mortgage Fraud!

Have You Been Cheated on Your Mortgage?
Have You Been Cheated on Your Mortgage?

Senator Chuck Grassley today made the following comment after the Inspector General for the Department of Justice released a scathing audit report on the Justice Department’s efforts to address mortgage fraud.

 

Grassley began asking questions about the Justice Department’s work in this area more than two years ago following a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on lending discrimination cases.  Grassley initially asked the department on March 9, 2012, about its claim to have prosecuted thousands of mortgage fraud cases and to have “secured numerous convictions against CEOs, CFOs, board members, presidents and other executives of Wall Street firms and banks for financial crimes.”

 

Here is Grassley’s comment.

 

“The Inspector General’s report sheds light on what looks like an attempt by the Justice Department to pull the wool over the public’s eyes with respect to its efforts to go after the wrongdoers involved in mortgage fraud.  According to the Inspector General, the department wasted time cooking the numbers about the cases it pursued, when it should have been prosecuting cases.  In addition, it isn’t even using the funding allocated by Congress for the specific purpose of going after mortgage fraud, which might explain why the Inspector General found that it isn’t a priority in some of the FBI’s biggest offices.  It’s contrary to everything we’ve been hearing out of the Obama administration.  In order to change Wall Street’s shady practices, the Justice Department needs to be honest and transparent about its efforts, and actually prosecute some people instead of succumbing to a too big to jail mentality.”