When I am at the groc’ry store to pick up some supplies
I rarely bother with the mags up front – so full of lies.
Of course when I get stuck in line, the cashier comatose,
I peek inside the pages for a titillating dose.
I read of gorgeous movie stars whose love lives are a farce;
Of diet plans with tropic plants that leave one mighty sparse.
And then there’s People magazine, the triumph of pure prattle;
From President to pop star they do trot ‘em out like cattle.
My mother taught me long ago that money spent on trash
Will leave you in the gutter lacking self-respect and cash.
And so whate’er a magazine like People may dish out,
I’d rather buy a pack of gum than pay for printed gout.