(Inspired by an article by Mary MacVean)
I am very vegan; I spurn fillet mignon.
I will not touch a head cheese (also known as brawn).
No chicken, tripe or tuna will ever pass my lips.
I nourish soul and body with bags of tater chips.
Doritos are my mainstay, washed down with Diet Coke.
Fry sauce over ramen noodles – what a master stroke!
Funyuns, Bugles, pretzels; they are my stock-in-trade.
And I get my vitamins from quarts of grape Kool-Aid.
I love to munch on Corn Nuts, although they crack my teeth;
And when it comes to minerals I eat the bars called Heath.
Yes, I am very vegan, with toasted melba rounds.
(I only wish I didn’t have to weigh four-hundred pounds!)