Matzo and Leverpostei.


Growing up benighted in a Norskie neighborhood,

I never knew that matzo tasted plain but very good.

We didn’t have a neighbor with mezuzot on their doors;

No one wore a yarmulke or shopped at kosher stores.


But when I left my little hytte, upon the world to snoop,

I discovered wonders such as matzo balls in soup.

Gefilte fish I sampled and the latke I adored,

And so I learned that noshing is its tasty own reward.


I still am eating matzo; I enjoy it with sardines,

Or spread some leverpostei on it with fresh salad greens.

I may get indigestion, but you cannot indict me

For prejudice when I am on a gourmandizing spree.

At War with Norway!


Because a Minnesota judge has fined aloof Norway

A couple thousand dollars, I think war is on its way –

You can’t affront the Norskies and expect a mild reply;

For they believe the Bible – they will pluck an eye for eye!


The battle will be awful, full of chaos and remorse.

Those Vikings will defile our famous Les Bolstad Golf Course.

(And don’t expect the Feds to get involved in any way;

“Settle it among yourselves” is all they’ll have to say.)


The husmor will attack with lefse grills and lingonberries;

Dayton will respond with a move to Buenos Aires.

We’ll call out the militia, but since most of them are soft

They’ll be taken prisoner – to work upon a croft.


And the coup de grace will be delivered by real trolls

That will snap us all in half as easy as ski poles.

And then in our state capital Hyperboreans will sit

Where they will oppress us with a tax on aquavit.