Brian Anderson; The Beer Miler.

brian anderson

(Inspired by a story by Richard Chin)

I started as a beer miler a long, long time ago;

When I could run a mile real fast and drinking made me glow.

I wasn’t bingeing, not at all; the experts testified

That downing beer while running would not ever get me fried.

 

I ran and drank, and drank and ran, and so the years did twinkle;

Until one day I woke up feeling more like Rip Van Winkle.

My clothes in rags, my beard snow white; a stranger to the world.

My loved ones gone and me alone; I very nearly hurled.

 

My legs have given out on me; I cannot run a yard.

And Leinenkugel’s left my liver bloated, green and scarred.

And so I sit and drink, and drink and sit, and wonder why

They made my drinking seem as wholesome as warm apple pie.

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Cooking with Cannabis.

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You can cook delicious food, without a chef named Wolfgang,

If you use a steady hand and put in lots of good bhang.

Now that states are legalizing pot in all its forms,

It is being eaten from McMansions to school dorms.

 

You can put it in a pie or in a cake or in soufflé;

Serve it as the main course or a freaky canapé.

Instead of wine with dinner or a beer before your lunch,

Stir a little loco weed into a bowl of punch.

 

The taste may be repulsive, reminiscent of raw lye,

But what is that to connoisseurs intent on getting high?

And I am making odds with all those tight Las Vegas bookies

That cannabis will soon appear in all our Girl Scout Cookies!

 

Contented Cows? Hell No; They’re Drunk!

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Mark Udall, a champion for Colorado’s craft brewers, thanked the U.S. Food and Drug Administration yesterday for heeding his call and revising a proposed rule that would have fundamentally altered how breweries, farmers and ranchers work together to dispose of spent brewers grains. The new rule followsthe FDA’s commitment earlier this year to revise its proposed rule that would have tied up Colorado’s brewers and farmers in red tape and likely increased costs to consumers.

“Colorado’s innovative craft brewers create jobs, drive tourism and support our agricultural economy. I am proud the FDA heeded my call and rewrote a proposed rule that would have unjustly mired our brewers and ranchers in red tape,” Udall said. “Brewers spent grains are a cost-effective and safe livestock feed, and I am proud the FDA has acknowledged that and changed course. This decision is something all Coloradans can raise a glass to.”

Udall pledged to continue to work with Colorado stakeholders and across the aisle to press the FDA on the issue during the new 75-day comment period.

Brewers’ spent grains, whose sugars are fermented to make craft beer, are an economical and high-protein food source for beef and dairy cattle. According to a 2013 Brewers Association survey of its members, brewers currently re-sell or give away nearly 90 percent of their spent grain as livestock feed. The FDA’s original rule could have levied a cost of nearly $43 million per year onto Colorado’s craft brewers.

Udall, a strong advocate for Colorado’s brewers and a member of the U.S. Senate Small Brewers Caucus, has worked to lower the tax burden on Colorado brewers. He also has been a strong supporter of brewers’ efforts to pursue more sustainable and energy-efficient business practices.

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How to Make Green Beer for Saint Patrick’s Day.

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In honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, Monday, March 17, 2014, we would like to offer our surefire recipe for green beer.  This can be made at home, or at the office when the boss is not looking.  It goes down smooth, and comes back up the same way.

Start with a galvanized washtub that will hold at least ten gallons.  Fill halfway with tap water.  Add ten packets of yeast, six cups of malt syrup, and a full pound of unripe hops.  Stir well.

Allow mixture to rest near a furnace or active volcano for three hours.  Strain out any clinkers that happen to fall in.

Find a horse that has been fed on nothing but dark green spinach for the past six months (try eBay) and lead it up to and over the galvanized washtub.  Let it urinate freely into the brew.  This provides both the green coloring and the special ‘body’ that beer drinkers cherish.

Strain mixture through cheesecloth into bottles, and cap.  Serve ice cold with corned beef and cabbage.