Whenever I’m in Casey’s, or any other store
That sells the kind of snacks enjoyed by jaded omnivore,
I can’t help feeling guilty – as if I’d been remiss
In chewing on a Slim Jim and guzzling Swiss Miss.
Do not these staples power metabolites and germs
That in our track intestinal neutralize pin worms?
Surely drinking Snapple does elevate the mind,
And can blood sugar levels be very far behind?
I hear tell they have gasoline somewhere or other, too;
But all I want is Copenhagen for a luscious chew.
Convenience stores are just the place to get a healthy meal;
And if you are believing that, you are a big schlemiel.